Six years ago, coming out of high school, I was terrified of public speaking, and honestly not the most comfortable conversationalist. What I needed most, was a voice. But the process of acquiring that voice required facing the fear at the root of my problem. There was no way to skip the hurdle or get around the fear.
Tuesday nights have become a symbol of growth for me. Tuesday nights are when I attend Toastmaster International meetings to become a better communicator. Most first-time attendees are invited to participate in Table Topics, an opportunity to speak for two minutes on an impromptu subject. It would be interesting to get the real statistic on how often first timers decline the opportunity. I have a feeling it’s around thirty percent. After having done a single table topics speech though, I don’t think people decline to speak out of fear ever again. Having seen this process over and over, I developed a simple heuristic that I’ve proudly used in some critical moments in life, though not as often as I would have liked: “If an activity gives me anxiety, it probably means I should do it!”
Carl Jung said it better though:
“That which we need the most will be found where we least want to look.’
It’s beautiful, simple, powerful, and exactly what we need to hear. There’s no better angle, no plan B, no waiting it out, and no way around our fears. There’s only moving forward into the darkness [1].
If I truly adhered to this principle, there’s no telling how much better my life could be. My current plague has been with me since my undergraduate program, the fear to apply for jobs. Writing resumes, outlining my strengths and weaknesses, putting myself out there, reaching out to people, and envisioning what I want out of a career are all activities that have developed monstrous and terrifying characteristics. I tend to keep a safe distance from them.
Is what we fear what defines our actions though? Do we look to our fears and makes Not-To-Do lists each morning? We should probably be asking ourselves what we need out of life. Well a year from now I’ll need a job so that I can support myself and show my girlfriend that she hasn’t wasted the lasted six years of her life. But I don’t just need a job.
What do I need the most? The ability to charter the course of my career. This includes:
- Being able to market myself honestly – my value and my experiences.
- Searching for teams and projects that align with my skills, principles, and interests.
- Reaching out to friends, acquaintances, and strangers to have open and direct conversations about the challenges and needs of a company.
- Being okay with rejection.
Framed by this critical message, “That which we fear the most will be found where we least want to look”, there seems to only be two options for me:
- Waste another year of my life waiting for the fear to go away, only to be faced with the exact same dilemma.
- “Do the thing [to] have the power.” [1]
I think I know what I’m doing this weekend.
References
- Dr. Jordan Peterson: Knights of the Round Table
- Ralph Waldo Emerson